Let’s welcome to the stage…….
As it’s been said…starting a family can be quite a performance, so best to build your backstage team. For some, that may involve the addition of a fertility counsellor.
What Infertility Challenges Can Involve:
The experience of infertility, its diagnosis and treatment, introduces a formidable crisis in the life of any couple. While treatment can be filled with hope and anticipation, the process can also be fraught with uncertainty and emotional high and lows difficult to navigate. For many, their lives up to the point of experiencing infertility, will have been marked by significant events, many of which they can exercise much control – the job they will take, the career path they pursue, the house they will purchase, the life partner they will commit to. Often suddenly and unexpectedly, an infertility diagnosis challenges one’s capacity for control over decision-making, their plans for the future, their relationships and the reproductive stories many of us author in our minds from a young age as to what our future families will look like. The control over the timing of such a significant life transition such as entering parenthood is compromised and couples find themselves thrust into a world of uncertainty as they assume a patient-like status as one would facing a chronic medical condition. Often however, the offers of support and empathy are not on hand as the intangible nature of the loss infertility presents the couple with the additional challenge of grieving their loss silently.
As I often discuss with those facing infertility, this experience of infertility – its diagnosis and treatment and the life that follows afterwards, does not occur in a vacuum, but rather within the very messy context of the rest of our lives – lives that often cannot be held on pause for the duration of the fertility journey. There are jobs and careers to maintain, houses that need renovating, relationships that require our time and attention, long planned for holidays waiting to be enjoyed and recreational pursuits deemed important for our mental and physical wellbeing even at the best of times. In my experience speaking with now thousands of individuals and couples facing infertility, it is often the clash of these demands alongside fertility treatment that are the topic of discussion in therapy. The path from first encounter with their treating medical specialist or fertility clinic to the present reality of endless rounds of tests, scans, injections and egg retrievals, interspersed with many hours online searching for the “right” approach to treatment, patients are bewildered as to how their infertility has gone from supporting actor to lead role in the drama which is now their everyday lives.
The topic of stress is also a common theme in fertility counselling. The relationship between stress and infertility is a long considered and complex one, leaving us in no doubt that infertility and its treatment cause stress, but many questions remain unanswered as to the extent to which the opposite is true, leaving patients concerned that their stress is having serious and adverse effects on treatment outcomes. It is rare to speak with a patient who has not been offered the unsolicited advice to “relax” and “don’t stress”, or “it will happen for you”….as with much of the advice, at best, well-intentioned, at worst, dismissive and unhelpful.
When Do You Need Support?
If you are facing fertility concerns or have been diagnosed with infertility and making decisions regarding treatment and these issues ring true for you, take some time to consider these questions and whether it may be timely to reach out for some assistance with working through what your individual fertility journey involves and how you are planning to approach these issues and others.
How are you going individually and as a couple with this newfound uncertainty and the decisions it brings?
How much space in our lives are we allowing, if any, to honour the grief our infertility has introduced into our lives?
How are we still looking after each other?
What about the rest of my life? How do I prevent infertility from being all-consuming, particularly if we find ourselves here for longer than planned?
What about this new experience of stress? Am I really sabotaging the attempts for a happy ending?
How do I respond to the unwelcome advice?
Confidential, Compassionate Support is Available
You don’t have to work this out all alone. Susan is an experienced fertility counsellor who already understands the ins and outs of fertility treatment. She provides a safe space for you to receive support without having to explain the processes - this means the appointments can focus on you, your specific concerns and receiving the support, understanding and care that you deserve during this time of change.
Written by Susan Prince